6 Ways To Crush Loneliness Abroad And Finally Feel At Home In A Foreign Land!

From Lonely Nights to Lifelong Connections: How to Truly Thrive as an Expat

Living abroad isn’t always the Expat Instagram Dream. It can be lonely and overwhelming. Here’s how I turned isolation into real connections and friendships.

It was my first New Year’s after breaking up with the person I’d moved to Ukraine for, and loneliness hit me like a bad translation: awkward, confusing, and completely out of place. 

With no social media to distract me (it didn’t exist yet) and the nearest internet a cyber café miles away in central Kyiv, I was left alone with the deafening silence of my tiny apartment.

And let me tell you, silence can be louder than fireworks when you’re feeling completely alone.

So there I sat in my tiny apartment, armed with a bag of McDonald’s, the only thing that reminded me of home, and a few bottles of lukewarm local beer completed the scene.

The fireworks outside didn’t feel like a celebration, they felt like a mockery laughing at my expense.

Loneliness abroad creeps in quietly, then smacks you all at once. But trust me, it doesn’t have to stay.

Here’s how I kicked it to the curb and found my way back.

The Instagram Lie: Why “Living the Dream” Feels So Lonely

Expat life looks like endless sunsets and cultural adventures, but behind every Instagram post is someone probably crying over an overpriced latte, missing home.

When social media arrived, I thought, “Finally, connection!”

Big let down coming!

Scrolling through photos of those from back home living life without you is less uplifting and more soul-crushing.

Sure, I could “like” my cousin’s son’s graduation photo or comment on my grandmother’s 100th birthday, but I couldn’t be there.

It was then I realized: this “connection” was a façade. 

Worse, the more I scrolled, the lonelier I felt, until I saw the illusion for what it was.

And no, I didn’t delete Facebook. Stay tuned.

1. How a Tiny Bar in Kyiv Became My Expat Family

In 2000, Kyiv wasn’t the expat hub it is today, but it had the Drum, a tiny bar opened by an old colleague of my school’s Director of Studies and his Ukrainian wife, both of whom worked at the “Kyiv Post”.

This wasn’t just a spot to grab a pint, it was a lifeline.

Expats, Ukrainian diaspora, embassy staff, and locals filled the cozy space, sharing stories, advice, and too many rounds of, well, pints.

Some of the friendships I made there have lasted over two decades.

Outside the Drum, my school’s parties and outings were another goldmine for connection.

School parties, holiday celebrations, city-wide scavenger hunts, and endless pub games made bonding with colleagues and students almost inevitable.

There’s nothing like losing a pub game of “spoof” to spark a lifelong Tab.

Here’s the secret: real-life encounters trump online chatter every time.

Sure, Facebook expat groups might help you find peanut butter, but genuine friendships, the kind that carry you through homesick nights, only happen face-to-face, in real-time.

Find your version of the Drum, say yes to invites, and take a chance on chance encounters. 

Case in point: Jillian Amatt – Artistic Voyages and Lysergic World Design – Chris DeCap, fellow writers I had recently met on Medium, reached out while they were passing through Saranda.

A few coffee chats later, casual conversation turned into a meaningful connection.

You never know where you’ll meet like-minded people, but trust me, the best relationships often start in the most unexpected places.

2. Combat Isolation with Purpose: How a Routine Saved My Sanity

When I transitioned from teaching face-to-face to freelancing solo, the silence in my day became deafening.

Without the noise of the classroom and staff, I realized my biggest “colleague” was the fridge door I kept opening out of sheer boredom.

Freelancing was great for flexibility, but it quickly became a trap of isolation.

That’s when I made two rules: set a routine and prioritize social time. 

Mornings became sacred for work, afternoons for studying Russian in Kyiv’s hidden cafes, hitting the gym and evenings for something social, whether it was language exchange clubs or impromptu pints at the local “Irish Pub” with friends, old and new.

If you’re not into pints, volunteering at a local charity can also help you meet incredible people while feeling part of the community.

The lesson? Purpose kills isolation. And trust me, once you embrace that, the days suddenly feel a lot fuller. 

3. From Fish Gelatin to Fireworks: Celebrating Holidays Abroad

Orthodox Christmas in Ukraine was unlike anything I’d ever experienced.

No ham dinners or frantic gift exchanges, just a quiet, candlelit evening with a roasted goose and a hearty bowl of “kutia” (a sweet grain dish).

At first, it felt strange, like I’d crashed someone else’s family reunion, but by the end of the night, I found myself charmed by its simplicity.

Here’s the thing: leaning into local customs connects you to the culture in ways nothing else can.

Whether it’s clinking glasses on Defender of Ukraine Day or standing for the 15th toast on International Women’s Day, these celebrations taught me that tradition is a universal language.

Expat tip: Don’t stop at observing, invite locals to experience your traditions too.

You’d be amazed at how excited Ukrainians were to try my grandmother’s pasta sauce recipe during my own DIY Thanksgiving.

But while holidays are magical, there’s one group you’ll always wish you could celebrate them with, your family.

4. Staying Connected to Home Without the Heartache

Weddings missed. Funerals and condolences via video call or Facebook message.

Milestones that passed without you there. Living abroad comes with a unique kind of heartache.

For me, the worst moments were the random ones, when I’d think, “I wish my mom could see this.”

Scheduling regular calls with mom became my anchor.

Every Sunday, I’d pour myself a coffee, dial home, and catch up on everything with mom.

Blogging about my life abroad recently has been a long-overdue way to share the stories I was too busy living to write.

It’s finally helped my family and friends feel part of the adventure, delayed, but worth it!

Missing out on moments back home is tough, but creating new ones abroad helps ease the sting.

And sometimes, it’s those moments of shared experience that create the strongest bonds.

5. The Power of Shared Struggles (and a Few Pints)

Culture shock, language barriers, and shared frustrations abroad became the glue of many friendships.

One night, after an epic fail trying to get long sought after cable TV and Fast Internet for my flat in Russian, I vented to a fellow expat who had his own horror story involving his own cultural faux pas, over a few pints.

His was bringing a dozen roses to the woman he just started to date (hint: even number flowers are only given at funerals in some countries).

We laughed so hard at our combined screw-ups, it turned a bad day into the start of a great friendship.

Opening up about these challenges with others in the same boat helps you connect in ways that chit chat and small talk never can.

Shared activities work wonders too, like a language exchange alongside locals, or a book club that was really an excuse to drink wine and gossip.

The key? Finding your “good times” out of shared experiences, even if they start with a disaster.

And speaking of disasters, let’s talk about embracing solitude without losing your mind.

6. Alone but Not Lonely: Mastering the Art of Solitude

As an introvert, I know the fine line between solitude and isolation. Alone time can feel like a warm blanket, or a smothering one.

For me, the trick was balance.

I joined a gritty local gym and started working out, then added long walks around my neighborhood to my routine. Exploring Kyiv solo became my lifeline.

I hopped on the city’s sprawling metro system, discovering vibrant districts, outdoor markets, and hidden gems.

Along the way, I stumbled on old-school cafés straight out of the Soviet era or dripping with the gaudy wild east days charm of the ’1990s.

These spots became my go-to places to study Russian, practice with patient waitstaff, and sip coffee while soaking in the city’s wonderfully chaotic vibe.

Solitude doesn’t have to be lonely. It can be an adventure, a time to reconnect with yourself.

But don’t let it consume you, balance it with intentional socializing. Trust me, even introverts need people.

Your Story is Just Beginning

Loneliness abroad is universal, but it doesn’t have to be your headline.

Get off social media and get social! 

It’s those awkward moments, cultural quirks, and random friendships that turn a foreign place into home.

How do you tackle loneliness abroad?

Drop your tips in the comments, I’m all ears. 

Because in the end, living abroad is about IRL connection: to others, the world, and yourself.

And those connections?

That’s where the real adventure begins.