These Questions Sounded Normal… Until I Asked Them Overseas.
I thought I was making conversation. Instead, I made things weird. Repeatedly. In multiple countries. You might be next.
Ever ask someone a simple question and instantly regret it?
I once asked a woman in Poland if she was seeing anyone.
Her face froze like I’d just proposed marriage in front of her parents during a hostage negotiation.
Then there was the guy in Spain. I asked about his goals, and he said, “Finish your coffee.”
Apparently not everyone organizes their life into bullet points and Gary V hustle quotes.
Turns out, we Americans are hardwired to toss out questions that seem totally normal.
- How’s work?
- Are you two dating?
- Can I pay the bill?
But overseas, these land like tiny cultural grenades.
The room goes quiet.
Eyebrows lift.
Someone shifts in their seat.
What we think is small talk can hit like a job interview, a therapy session, or a full-blown social ambush.
And suddenly you’re the weird one.
And the worst part? I wasn’t even trying to be awkward.
I was just being American.
These weren’t lost-in-translation moments. They were full-on conversational wipeouts.
And honestly, they taught me more about my own culture than a dozen airport stamps ever could.
So if you’ve ever tried to connect abroad and accidentally triggered an identity crisis instead, welcome to the club.
Here are seven questions that confused them and completely humbled me.
1. “What Are Your Goals?”
Ah yes, the classic American self-improvement starter pack, “GOALS”.
I once asked this question to a guy I met in Spain on the Camino de Santiago while having a coffee in Burgos, thinking we were about to go deep into a rich, soul-searching conversation about life.
He blinked, took a sip of his espresso, and asked, “You mean… like today?”
I clarified, “No, like, life goals, a timeline.”
He shrugged. “Hopefully, we’ll both reach Santiago by St. James Day.”
It wasn’t that he was unambitious.
It’s just that outside the U.S., people don’t tend to break their lives down into bullet points like they’re prepping for a TED Talk.
Nobody’s carrying around a five-tab spreadsheet titled Mission, Vision, Core Values, KPIs unless they’re working in tech, or they’re American.
To me, “What are your goals?” was just me showing interest.
To him, it probably felt like an impromptu job interview… at a café… on a Thursday, while walking the Camino de Santiago nonetheless.
Truth Bomb: In the U.S., we treat life like a productivity app.
Elsewhere, people treat it like a decent bottle of wine…you don’t chug it, you savor it.
Maybe next time, skip the Gary V motivational seminar talk and just ask if they want another drink.
2. “So… Are You Two Dating? Or Are You Seeing Anyone?”
Americans have this reflex. We need to know if people are romantically involved.
It’s like we think every human interaction comes with a relationship status.
I was in this quirky café in Kyiv, chatting with a local guy and girl. They were laughing, sharing cake, finishing each other’s sentences.
So of course, I asked, “Are you two dating?”
Their faces dropped like I’d accused them of tax fraud. “No,” they said, in perfect, horrified unison. Just old friends. Nothing romantic.
But I’d managed to inject rom-com tension into a completely platonic moment.
Oh, and I wasn’t done with the awkwardness yet.
Not by a long shot!
A few weeks later in Poland, I asked a woman I’d just met, “So… are you seeing anyone?”
Her brain like she just chugged a Slushie. “Why do you want to know?” she asked, eyes narrowing, perplexed.
And honestly? I didn’t have a good answer.
It was just one of those American autopilot questions we toss out without thinking, like asking someone’s favorite color or if they’ve seen Mad Men.
But abroad, love life questions aren’t cute icebreakers.
They’re personal. And weird.
Especially when they come out of nowhere.
Truth Bomb: Not every chat needs a romantic subplot. Sometimes people are just friends.
Sometimes they don’t want to talk about it.
And sometimes the only thing you should be pairing is cheese with wine, not strangers with each other.
3. “How’s Work Going?”
Seems like a normal way to show interest, right? I dropped this question in a casual chat with a guy in Georgia (the country, not Atlanta), and he just blinked at me like I’d brought up funeral arrangements during appetizers.
After a long pause, he said, “It’s… work.”
End of story.
See, in the U.S., we often equate our jobs with our identities.
Work is not just what you do, it’s who you are. But in many cultures, work is simply a means to an end.
Nobody’s giving you their latest LinkedIn pitch over grilled shashleek and Saperavi.
Truth Bomb: If someone doesn’t light up when talking about their job, it’s not that they hate life, it just means they have boundaries.
Weird, I know.
4. “Do You Like It Here?”
I was in Tirana, Albania, chatting with a woman I’d just met at a street food stand. Trying to make friendly conversation, I asked, “So, do you like it here?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Why do you ask?”
It hit me a beat too late. I sounded like I was implying there was a reason not to.
To me, it was just small talk.
To her, it sounded like I was questioning her homeland, her life, maybe even her taste in Burek.
Truth Bomb: What feels like a warm and fuzzy question to you might come across as subtle criticism to someone else.
Especially if they’ve spent their life defending their country’s reputation to outsiders.
5. “Would You Like Ice With That?”
In Kyiv, I handed a local friend a tall glass of water with ice… trying to be polite on a hot day.
She looked at it like I’d dunked a cockroach in the glass.
“Why would I want that? I’m not sick.”
I chuckled. She didn’t.
Turns out, in a lot of countries, cold drinks are for treating fevers or maybe torturing enemies.
Not for sipping casually while talking about Movies or their last vacation.
Truth Bomb: Ice cubes are not universal symbols of refreshment.
Sometimes they’re just a cold, hard mistake.
6. “Can I Just Pay the Bill?”
I tried this one in a restaurant in France. We’d just finished dinner, and I stood up confidently and said, “Excuse me, can I just pay the bill?”
The waiter raised a single, devastating eyebrow. “Just pay? You are not even having coffee?”
Cue awkward silence and a hastily ordered espresso I didn’t want.
In the U.S., paying quickly is normal.
We treat dining out like a pit stop.
Abroad, eating is a ritual.
You don’t just eat. You linger. You digest. You sip.
You actually chill.
And when you finally ask for the bill, it’s not a race to the door… it’s the last act of the performance.
Truth Bomb: In many places, rushing the bill is like walking out in the middle of a play.
The meal’s not over till the espresso takes the final bow.
7. “What Do You Think of Americans?”
Big mistake. Huge.
I asked this in a hostel in Dublin, late at night, when I should have been brushing my teeth and going to bed.
Instead, I opened the door to a three-hour conversation involving politics, war, tipping culture, and why we can’t seem to stop yelling in restaurants.
Some people were polite. Some were brutally honest.
One guy said, “You Yanks always think you’re the main character in your own movie.”
Ouch!
What started as an innocent curiosity turned into an accidental group therapy session about American foreign policy and portion sizes.
Truth Bomb: If you ask people what they think of Americans, be prepared to hear things you really didn’t expect.
Or want.
Especially after two beers and a questionable kebab.
What These Moments Taught Me About Asking Questions Abroad
What made these moments so memorable wasn’t the awkwardness, it was the mirror.
Every time I asked something that triggered confusion, I realized I was dragging along a suitcase full of cultural assumptions I didn’t even know I was carrying.
What I thought were simple, polite questions turned out to be deeply American in ways I’d never considered.
And the looks on people’s faces? Pure gold!
Equal parts puzzled, polite, and please never ask me that again.
So the next time you travel, maybe think twice before asking that default question.
You might not just confuse someone else, you might end up discovering a whole new layer of your own culture in the process.
Your Turn
What’s a question you’ve asked, or been asked, that led to mutual confusion?
I guarantee you’re not the only one who’s tripped over culture with the best of intentions.
David Peluchette is a Premium Ghostwriter/Travel and Tech Enthusiast. When David isn’t writing he enjoys traveling, learning new languages, fitness, hiking and going on long walks (did the 550 mile Camino de Santiago, not once but twice!), cooking, eating, reading and building niche websites with WordPress.