7 Times Trying Too Hard Not To Look American Made Me Look More American

The Fastest Way to Stand Out Abroad Is Trying Too Hard To Blend In.

The moment I realized I was overdoing the whole “cultural adaptation” thing happened on the metro in Kyiv.

It was one of those gray winter mornings when everyone looks like they’re mentally reviewing the last 300 years of Slavic history.

No smiles. No small talk. Just the rhythmic clatter of the metro wagon and the occasional cough.

So I decided to do the same.

I had read somewhere that people in Eastern Europe don’t smile at strangers. Americans smile too much. It’s suspicious. Fake. Inauthentic tourist behavior.

Fine.

I could fix that.

I sat there with a perfectly neutral face, trying to blend in with the stoic commuters around me.

Stone expression. No eye contact. Just staring forward like I was contemplating existential philosophy.

Then a woman across from me caught my eye and gave a quick, polite smile.

Not a big one. Just a normal human acknowledgment.

Then I suddenly realized something uncomfortable.

The only person on that train who looked weird… was me.

I had spent weeks trying to “de-Americanize” myself.

Turns out I was just acting strange.

After living and spending considerable amounts of time in places like Ukraine, France, Georgia, North Macedonia, Greece, Bulgaria, Spain, and Albania, I started noticing a pattern.

The problem wasn’t my American habits.

The problem was trying to perform cultural awareness like it was a costume.

The harder I tried to blend in, the more unnatural I looked.

Here are seven moments where my attempt to adapt abroad backfired spectacularly.

1. The Moment I Stopped Smiling on the Metro

When I first moved to Ukraine, every salty expat at the “local” Irish pub watering hole, several colleagues at the school where I was teaching, and even my girlfriend gave me the same advice.

Don’t smile at strangers.

Apparently smiling too much marks you as American (or an idiot) faster than wearing white sneakers, a baseball cap and an ill fitting suit with a backpack.

So I tried to fix it.

One morning on the Kyiv metro I practiced my new expression: calm, blank, slightly tired and vaguely annoyed.

Instead, I looked like someone had peed in my morning kasha.

Then I noticed the woman sitting across from me.

One of my students.

She studied my frozen commuter face for a second and asked:

“David… are you OK?”

That ended the experiment.

My serious metro expression collapsed and we both started laughing while the guy next to her looked deeply confused.

Apparently my attempt to blend in didn’t make me look local.

It made me look like a man having a quiet identity crisis with his own face.

Trying Too Hard: Suppressing your natural friendliness doesn’t help you blend in. It just makes you look uncomfortable.

If cultural misfires like this sound familiar, you might enjoy my short guide “Culturally Clueless: 23 American Habits That Confuse the World.”

It’s a funny field guide to the small habits Americans carry abroad that locals quietly notice.

2. The Time I Pretended Being Late Didn’t Stress Me Out

In France, punctuality works on a slightly different system than the American one.

When a friend says they’ll meet you at 7:00, that can mean 7:10… or 7:25… or sometimes a philosophical interpretation of 7.

The first time I experienced this, I tried very hard to appear relaxed.

My friend got there about twenty-five minutes late.

When he walked in, I leaned back in my chair and casually asked, “Any problems?”

He just gave a simple nod,

Inside my head, however, there was a problem. I found myself doing complicated mental calculations.

Twenty-five minutes late means we only have an hour before the restaurant closes.

If we order now, maybe the kitchen is still open.

Apparently my attempt at calm looked more like mild panic.

My friend laughed and said, “You look stressed.”

I insisted I wasn’t.

But he was right.

I wasn’t relaxed. I was performing relaxation.

Trying Too Hard: Taking a relaxing approach to time doesn’t mean pretending you don’t care about it.

3. The Time I Avoided Saying I Was American

In a small café in Tbilisi, someone asked the most common expat question on earth.

“Where are you from?”

At the time, I was in a phase where I thought it was better not to emphasize being American.

So instead of answering directly, I said something vague.

“I’ve been traveling a lot.”

The guy blinked.

“Okay… but where are you from?”

I tried again.

“Well, I’ve spent almost half my life living in Europe.”

Now the confusion was spreading across the whole table.

Finally someone just said:

“So… are you American?”

“Yes,” I admitted.

They nodded.

“Cool.”

The conversation then moved on immediately. No judgment. No political debates.

Just curiosity followed by normal human interaction.

All that awkwardness had been self-inflicted.

Trying Too Hard: Trying to hide your identity usually makes people more curious about it.

4. The Time I Forced Myself to Sit Quietly at Dinner

In Spain, dinners can stretch for hours.

Wine arrives. Plates appear. Someone orders another round of something. Conversation expands like a slow jazz performance.

At one of these long dinners, I decided to experiment with being the quiet, culturally sensitive guest.

Americans, after all, have a reputation for dominating conversations.

So I tried the opposite strategy.

I stayed mostly silent.

I nodded politely. Smiled occasionally. Let everyone else talk.

About forty minutes into dinner, someone looked at me and asked:

“Are you okay?”

I guess my attempt at being respectfully quiet had translated as social awkwardness.

Once I actually joined the conversation, everything felt normal again.

The problem wasn’t participating. It was disappearing into the tablecloth.

Trying Too Hard: Participation is not the same thing as domination.

If you’re planning to live abroad or already adjusting to it, I also offer 1-to-1 Life-Abroad Advice Calls where we pressure-test your life abroad plans together and talk through the realities before you make big decisions.

5. The Time I Refused to Tip Anywhere

Despite spending years abroad, I still went through a phase where I took cultural self-improvement way too seriously and started doing “research.”

You name it: Forums, blogs, Facebook groups, travel guides.

The internet always seemed to deliver the same clear message:

“Europeans hate tipping.”

So I figured I’d follow that advice strictly and see what happens.

At a restaurant in Eastern Europe, I paid the bill exactly down to the cent.

The server brought the receipt back and stood there for a moment, clearly confused.

Not offended.

Just confused.

Later I learned the truth.

In some places tipping is unnecessary. In others it’s appreciated but smaller.

But, in many places it’s situational.

My rigid rule had created more awkwardness than the habit I was trying to eliminate.

Trying Too Hard: Cultural awareness works best when it’s observed, not predetermined and rigid.

6. The Time I Overcorrected My Directness

Americans have a reputation for being direct.

So naturally I tried softening my requests abroad.

When speaking with a landlord once, I wrapped a simple question inside a long explanation.

“Well I was just wondering, if it’s not too much trouble, maybe possibly sometime this week…”

Halfway through the sentence he interrupted.

“What do you want exactly?”

I paused.

“Hot water.”

He nodded.

“Okay.”

Problem solved in two seconds.

All my polite framing had only made the request confusing.

Trying Too Hard: Being clear and cutting to the chase travels a lot better than excessive politeness.

7. The Moment I Realized Nobody Was Actually Policing My Behavior

This realization came slowly.

• Walking through markets in Georgia.
• On the Metros and Marshrutkas in Ukraine.
• At work where I was the only “foreigner” in the room.
• Sitting in cafés in France.
• Just watching everyday life unfold around me.

People weren’t analyzing my cultural performance.

They weren’t evaluating whether my behavior met some international etiquette standard.

They were busy doing exactly what people everywhere do.

• Living their lives.
• Buying vegetables.
• Meeting friends.
• Having work related conversations.
• Arguing about something on their phones.

The invisible audience I imagined… didn’t even exist.

Trying Too Hard: The fear of looking American can make you act far stranger than being American ever would. Paranoia doesn’t wear well.

The Real Lesson About Cultural Adaptation

Living abroad does require adaptation.

You learn:

• New ways of doing things.
• New expectations.
• New social signals.
• …and new ways to embarrass yourself.

But there’s a difference between learning a culture and performing it.

Real cultural adaptation looks like:
• curiosity
• observation
• humility
• a willingness to look a little stupid

Not theatrical and pretentious self-editing.

The most comfortable expats I’ve met don’t try to erase where they come from.

They simply expand their identity to include the places they’ve lived.

The goal isn’t to become less American.

The goal is to become more human in more places.

Because the truth is this:

Trying too hard to blend in is often the most obvious signal that you don’t.

The moment you stop performing cultural awareness… is usually the moment you actually start adapting.

Cultural adaptation works best when it’s curious, not performative.

Have you ever caught yourself trying too hard to blend in while traveling or living abroad?

What moment made you realize it?

If you enjoy articles about expat life, cultural mistakes, and living abroad, you can find more guides or discuss your own life abroad plans with me personally, at Expats Planet.