7 Unwritten Rules Americans Only Learn After Embarrassing Themselves Abroad!

Cultural Faceplants: What Americans Only Learn Too Late

You can memorize every visa law and still get it wrong! These are the social codes that really matter…

When I first moved to Ukraine in the late ’90s, I thought I had a handle on the basics: 

Don’t drink the tap water!

Learn some damn Russian!

And for the love of all things holy, don’t forget to register your visa!

What I didn’t know? 

That flashing my big, friendly American smile at a stranger on the metro would make them recoil like I’d just offered them a used tissue.

In America, smiling is practically a reflex.

We smile at cashiers, at neighbors, at dogs passing on the street.

In Kyiv?

I smiled at a woman on the escalator and she gripped her purse like I was about to mug her using nothing but optimism.

No guidebook warned me about this.

Rick Steves didn’t pull me aside and whisper, “Hey, tone down the cheery optimism, you’re not in the USA anymore.”

And that’s the thing, nobody tells you about the rules that actually matter until you’ve already broken them and spent the rest of the day wondering what the hell just happened.

So, if you’re an American planning to live abroad, or just hoping not to mortally offend someone by saying “How are you?”, this is for you.

These are the real rules. 

The ones you won’t find in any Rick Steves tourist guide, packet or embassy pamphlet.

The rules I learned the hard way, usually after an awkward silence, a judgmental stare, or a dinner party where I was definitely not invited back.

1. Don’t Smile So Much… It Freaks People Out

The first time I smiled at a stranger in a Kyiv metro station, she clutched her bag like I’d just asked for her PIN number.

I wasn’t being creepy, at least not intentionally, I was just being friendly.

The same way we smile at dogs, babies, baristas, and even mildly annoying neighbors back in the States.

But abroad? In places like Ukraine, Germany, Georgia and even parts of France, a smile isn’t a friendly icebreaker, it’s a social contract.

Smiling without a reason makes people think you’re either selling something, scamming them, or slightly unhinged.

Expat tip: Save the grin. Use a polite nod or neutral expression.

Once someone earns your smile, it actually means something.

2. Skip the Small Talk… You’ll Come Off as Shallow

I once asked a guy in Kyiv what he did for a living. He leaned in, stared me down, and gave me a flat, “Business.”

Curious, I followed up, “What kind of business?”
His reply? “None of your business.”

That was the last time I used American-style small talk as an icebreaker in Eastern Europe.

In the U.S., we love small talk. It’s how we warm up a conversation.

But in countries like Ukraine, Poland, or Georgia, jumping into personal questions like “What do you do?” or “How are you?” feels nosy and disingenuous.

People there aren’t being rude, they just prefer real conversations over filler fluff.

Try this instead: Talk about food, the city, or something observational.

You’ll be surprised how fast you get to the real stuff once you skip the surface-level chitchat.

3. Shoes Off… Or Prepare to Be Judged Silently

Walk into a home in Spain or Ukraine with your shoes on and you might as well have tracked in a live goat.

I learned this lesson after stepping into a friend’s apartment in Ferrol, Spain.

Everyone else had neatly placed their shoes near the door. Me?

I strolled in like I was modeling for Foot Locker.

Her mother didn’t say a word.

She just glanced at my sneakers and then at me, like I’d just insulted the Virgin Mary.

Here’s the rule: If there’s a shoe rack near the door or a pile of slippers laid out like a buffet, take the hint.

If you’re not sure, ask.

But don’t assume your “indoor shoes” are doing anyone a favor.

4. Keep Your Voice Down… Public Space Means Private Vibes

Ever been on the metro in Kyiv and realized you were the loudest sound in the entire car? I have.

And I wasn’t even saying anything outrageous, just chatting with a fellow colleague about where to go have a few beers and a bite to eat after a long week.

Meanwhile, the entire train car sat in a kind of silent meditation.

No one was making phone calls, there were no TikTok videos blaring from speakers.

Just me and my booming American voice echoing through the carriage like I was giving a TED Talk no one asked for.

In much of Europe and Asia, public spaces are treated with quiet respect.

If you’re loud, you’re not charming, you’re disruptive.

The fix: Take your cues from the locals.

Match their tone, pace, and energy.

When in doubt, pretend you’re trying to talk without waking a sleeping baby.

5. Hands Off the Produce… Seriously

Back in Georgia, I reached out to check the ripeness of a tomato and was met with a gasp so sharp I thought I’d accidentally knocked over a sacred statue.

The vendor snatched the tomato back like I’d just coughed on it and politely (but firmly) waved me away.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but in many Eastern European and Mediterranean markets, only the vendor touches the produce.

It’s not just about hygiene, it’s tradition, trust, and a system that works just fine without your fingerprints all over their peaches.

Bottom line: Point, gesture, or just say what you want. Let them do the picking.

You’re not at Trader Joe’s anymore.

6. Wait for the Invite… Offering Can Be Rude

In North Macedonia, I once offered to help clean up after dinner at my Airbnb host’s home.

You’d think I’d offered to rearrange their furniture or inspect their plumbing.

Everyone looked at me like I was trying to take over the house.

Turns out, in many cultures, especially in the Balkans and parts of Southern Europe, being a guest means being a guest.

Offering to help can come off as awkward, or worse, as if you think they can’t handle things on their own.

What to do: Wait to be invited to help. If it doesn’t come, sit back, relax, and let them play host.

It’s not laziness, it’s respect.

7. Don’t Expect American-Style “Thank Yous”

In Spain, I once held a door open for an older gentleman.

No nod, no smile, no thank you.

He just walked through like he was royalty and I was the hired doorman.

At first, I was borderline offended.

But after a few more days, I noticed a pattern.

People there show gratitude differently.

They’ll repay kindness with action, not words. 

• A favor returned.
• A coffee paid for later.
• A sudden invite to a family barbecue.

The American “thank you, thank you so much, oh my gosh, thank you again” style just isn’t universal.

A lesson in gratitude: Don’t assume rudeness. In many places, appreciation is baked into behavior, not verbalized.

And hey, if they hand you homemade jam a week later, that’s their way of saying thanks.

The Real Rules Are the Ones Nobody Tells You

Forget the embassy website and your Lonely Planet or Rick Steves “Backdoor” guides. The real rules abroad aren’t about paperwork, they’re about presence.

They’re the silent expectations, the subtle customs, the awkward pauses you only learn to read after you’ve royally messed them up.

Trust me, I’ve committed enough cultural faux pas to fill a trilogy. (Note to self. Book idea!)

But here’s the beauty of it:

Every mistake is a lesson.

Every cringe moment is a step closer to fluency, not just in language, but in life abroad.

So the next time you find yourself standing barefoot in someone’s living room, unsure if you’ve offended them or not, just smile (sparingly), nod, and keep learning.

What about you? 

What’s one unwritten rule you learned the hard way while living abroad? 

I’ve got a feeling I’m not the only one who’s stepped in it.