Expat Facebook Groups Are Toxic! How I Survive On The Dark Side.

Navigating the Toxic Trenches of Expat Facebook Groups

Tired of the rants and toxicity of Facebook Groups? Here’s how I navigate these cesspools of humanity!

A Sad Little Bubble

Imagine an online realm where expats converge, claiming to escape the woes of their homeland, the political and societal divisions, only to bring those very woes and divisions with them, like a virus.

This digital expat world is a sad little bubble, filled with the same complaints and trivialities they supposedly left behind.

There’s no better representative of this than the Expat Facebook Groups that blanket that social media landscape.

Although these Expat Facebook Groups can have their utility when used carefully, their vortex of trivialities can easily suck you into their blackhole, defeating the purpose of why you set sail abroad in the first place.

First World Dilemmas

Scrolling through these posts, I can’t help but chuckle. “Where can I get peanut butter or brand X?” someone asks, desperate for a taste of home.

The seasoned expat in me smirks and thinks, “Back where you came from!”

Requests range from the mundane to the absurd, from legal advice to the best brand of toilet paper.

Whatever happened to the thrill of discovering things on your own? Isn’t that what traveling to a new place is all about?

Finding new foods, exploring local equivalents, and learning new ways of doing things is all part of the adventure.

But then, the posts turn serious.

“How are animals treated here?”

“What about people of color?”

“What’s the state of LGBTQ rights?”

All, valid concerns, of course, but the tone shifts.

It’s no longer the cozy, intimate chats you would’ve had in the past at a local pub, bar or a small gathering in someone’s home.

Now, it’s all broadcasted on social media where the uninvited feel compelled to chime in with their two cents.

Complaining online about political and social issues in a new country…

I’m often amused by the flood of amateur punditry I see online these days, but, imagining these amateur political pundits thinking they could change anything in their new country with a few online rants is beyond amusing.

They won’t even move the needle. If these issues matter so much, they’d have a better chance of making a difference back home where they can vote and have rights.

In a foreign country, you’re just a guest with a passport.

Don’t like it? Leave!

First-world dilemmas and finger-wagging won’t solve anything in your adopted home.

Hunting for Fellow Expats

“Where can I meet other expats?” The question echoes through the virtual air, carrying the hopeful expectation of an exclusive club ready to embrace newcomers.

Reality, however, is far from this rosy picture.

Years ago, before social media and the internet’s widespread reach, becoming an expat was a different adventure.

Imagine landing in a new city and hunting down an English-language newspaper. Within its pages, you’d find listings for activities, events, and happy hours.

You’d simply show up to a pub, activity or event, and unless you had social anxiety, meeting fellow expats was a breeze.

As you walked around people actually were looking to make eye contact.

Their heads weren’t tilted downwards with their eyeballs fixated to screens secretly hoping someone else would make the effort to approach.

Fellow expats and expat friendly locals would point you to the best spots where expats gather to feel at home — often pubs, and especially the omnipresent Irish pub. It seems every city has one, a comforting constant amidst the unfamiliar.

In places without an expat newspaper, the strategy was simple: find the most Irish-looking pub, order a drink, and wait.

Soon enough, other expats would appear, drawn by the same instinct.

Back then, finding fellow expats was a blend of intuition and luck, a far cry from today’s digital world.

It was all part of the adventure, the thrill of discovery, and the joy of making connections in the most unexpected places.

Defenders

Within these groups, you’ll encounter locals as well as expats who’ve “gone native,” defending their new home to the death, blind to any criticism.

“This place is much safer than the UK or the US,” they insist, despite reports of crimes targeting foreigners.

These expats believe their adopted home is a utopia, dismissing any negative experiences or concerns voiced by others.

“Special Ops Characters” & Fictional Identities

And then there are the storytellers. Every other expat claims to have a past as a Navy SEAL, Special Forces, SAS, MI6, or CIA operative.

“If I had a dollar for every one of those claims, I’d be retired on my own island”.

In the past, you might bump into one of these clowns at the local expat watering hole.

One conversation would be enough to avoid them in the future. But online, they’re harder to escape from.

Unless, of course, you block them — a drastic measure for some.

I once blocked a guy who claimed to be a former Special Forces “Commando” and sent me a photo of himself in military camouflage.

He was also a morning drinker and a seemingly chronic alcoholic.

These are the types of boneheads you encounter in Expat Facebook Groups.

Don’t believe me?

Here’s a screenshot of our conversation beginning to go south.

Of course, I blocked this clown, but these are the types you may come across.

Strategic Use of Facebook Groups

So, when should you use an Expat Facebook group?

When you’re planning your move, looking for some preliminary information before deciding to settle in a new place is always a good idea.

These groups can provide a general overview, useful insights, and situations to be aware of.

Finding an Apartment

Need an apartment? Post in the group with specific criteria of what you’re looking for.

Don’t be shy. Ask for terms, what is included, how to pay, etc.

Also, ask for photos and a Google Maps snapshot or link to its location.

This is what I did and within hours, my Facebook messenger was pinging my phone into oblivion.

This is how I found my new home. Despite the toxicity, the group proved useful.

Scams and Crimes

These local Expat Facebook Groups can come in handy for spotting local scams or crimes targeting expats.

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” as the saying goes.

Meeting People Naturally

Unfortunately, finding a local English language newspaper is getting more and more difficult nowadays as we all move online.

But this is where sometimes, these Expat Facebook Groups have filled a void.

Occasionally, you’ll find posts of worthwhile meetups or live music events.

So be on the lookout for any such meetups or gatherings if and when they appear.

They might be your ticket to genuine IRL connections, avoiding the online toxicity.

Discovering on Your Own: Old Skool!

Picture yourself stepping into a new city, the thrill of discovering an Irish pub without any online tips. It’s cheesy, sure, but the fun lies in the serendipity.

Chatting with local bartenders, feeling the pulse of a place firsthand, untainted by the Expat Facebook group’s advice.

There’s no reason for this not to work if you give it a chance. Just have no expectations and be outcome independent.

Using Groups to Your Advantage, Conclusions

In the end, it’s about balance. Use these groups as a tool to your advantage, not as a crutch.

Remember to stay clear of the noise.

The trick to getting the most out of these Expat Facebook Groups is to extract the useful bits and ignore the rest.

Before you post a question, use the “Group’s Search Bar”. Most things that might be useful and that you may need to know can be found with a simple search without participating at all in the nonsense.

The key is to not take part in the toxicity.