The Cruising Con! 10 Realities They Don’t Tell You In The Brochures

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Setting Sail on Surprises: The Truth About Cruising They’d Rather You Didn’t Know

Thinking of floating away on a relaxing dream cruise? Think again!

Discover the behind-the-scenes truths that cruise companies hope you never find out!

Imagine you’re adrift in the middle of the ocean, shelling out hard-earned cash for everything from a “gin and tonic” to a quick glimpse of a tropical port.

You’re also finding yourself fighting for a spot in the buffet line or for a table at that specialty “themed” restaurant you saw in their brochures along with a thousand other sunburned tourists.

Now, I’ve never set foot on a cruise, and to be honest, I don’t plan to.

Why?

Because the so-called “all-inclusive” experience has more hidden fees than Disneyland, with about as much peace and quiet.

And this is before we even get into the environmental chaos these floating cesspools leave in their wake..

Besides, after the whole “Revenge Tourism” fiasco of 2024 and it’s aftermath, cruise ship passengers aren’t exactly being welcomed with open arms by the locals at their “ports of call” anymore.

If you’re like me and value your sanity (and your bank account), let’s take a closer look into the not-so-glamorous side of cruising, so you can think twice before you board that ship to…well, nowhere special.

1. “All-Inclusive” Means All the Costs You Couldn’t Possibly Predict

Sure, you paid for the cruise itself, but that doesn’t mean you’re actually “done.” Want a cocktail? That’s extra. Fancy a latte? Extra.

Tempted by that candlelit dinner at the “really” nice restaurant onboard?

Extra, extra, extra.

Turns out, cruising is more like a game of “How many ways can we charge you for extra?”

By the way, think the tipping epidemic is just stateside?

Think again!

Oh, and if you think you can smuggle a few bottles of your favorite gin on board, think again about that too!

Cruise ship “security” is like TSA on steroids. They’ve got measures that would make airport agents blush.

And just wait till you set foot off the ship, your wallet’s in for an even bigger shock.

2. Port Stops: Blink, and You’ll Miss the Country

You’re at a vibrant new destination…for four hours. Just enough time to fight your way through a mob of fellow cruisers and snap a photo.

Perhaps grab a watered-down, overpriced piña colada on the cruise passenger trail that goes directly from the port, before you’re all hustled back to the boat.

Want to see the real culture?

Cruise schedules say, “Not today, our dear passengers!”

But that’s okay, you can always return to the ship and bask in a lovely, relaxing crowd of several thousand strangers.

3. A Sardine Can of Vacationers: The Art of Elbowing Your Way to Fun

Imagine sunbathing by the pool, only to find every chair occupied by towels people “claimed” at 5 a.m.

Getting hungry? Join the 200-person line for a buffet of lukewarm chicken nuggets and jello.

Cruises offer a one-of-a-kind experience in the fine art of queueing, elbowing, and waiting for your turn in the sun.

Ready for a little alone time? Not here!

Keep reading to find out why tight quarters are a whole new level of risky.

4. Germapalooza: One Cough, and It’s Game Over

There’s nothing quite like the intimacy of thousands of people in tight quarters, sharing every sneeze, cough, and gasp.

If you thought you left flu season at home, think again.

Cruises have hosted some epic outbreaks, from norovirus to COVID-19, no wonder they keep so many paper bags around.

Good news is, if you really love “cruising”, in case of an outbreak, they may just keep you on board.

Against your will that is…

But if illness doesn’t scare you off, let’s talk about how these floating hotels do their part to trash the environment.

5. Floating Cesspools! Leaving a Bigger Footprint Than Bigfoot

Ever wonder what a ship carrying 6,000 passengers leaves in its wake?

Between fuel emissions, waste, and improper disposal, cruises create pollution that would make any eco-conscious traveler cringe.

It’s ironic that a vacation meant to celebrate the ocean ends up dumping more trash into it than a frat party at spring break.

And while we’re on the topic of irony, let’s talk about safety on these “secure” cruises.

6. The High Seas of Crime: Not Just a Pirate’s Problem

The last thing you’re thinking about on a cruise is a crime, right?

Wrong.

From petty theft to the occasional brawl over who got the last slice of pizza, onboard crime is real.

And if you’re cruising near certain parts of the world, there’s also the little matter of modern-day piracy.

Ahoy there matey!

But hey, if you think the only real threat is other people, just wait until the ocean itself has a go at you.

7. Seasickness: The Ultimate Buzzkill

You can picture it now, lounging on deck, sipping a margarita as the sun dips below the horizon…until the ship hits rough seas, and suddenly you’re turning greener than the jello in the buffet line.

Seasickness is no joke, and for some unlucky travelers, it’s a 24/7 cruise companion.

But maybe you can distract yourself with some Netflix, right? Not so fast!

8. Internet: Slow, Pricey, and Practically Medieval

If you think you’ll be streaming, gaming, or even sending a simple email, think again.

Cruise Wi-Fi is notoriously slow and laughably expensive.

So unless you’re fine with Morse code-level connectivity or miss the good old days of “dial-up”, consider this a forced “unplugging” experience, whether you like it or not.

Disconnected from the internet? Great!

Now you’re free to notice some of the ethical issues swirling just below deck.

9. Your Crew, the Unsung (and Underpaid) Heroes

A cruise crew works hard, like, 14-hour-day hard.

Many of them work on contracts that keep them at sea for months with barely a day off.

And what about fair wages?

Well, let’s just say the cruise industry has faced some eyebrow-raising criticism for labor practices.

These aren’t just vacation providers, they’re people, often working for shockingly low pay.

But hey, maybe all this effort is to ensure a smooth, problem-free journey for you…right?

10. You’re Locked Into Their Schedule, Like It or Not

So you booked a cruise to see that once-in-a-lifetime port city? Hope you’re ready to roll with whatever the ocean throws at you.

Rough seas, bad weather, or a “minor” emergency? Port visits get canceled, rerouted, or skipped entirely with zero compensation.

On a cruise, you’re along for the ride, wherever that ride may (or may not) lead.

And if you linger a little too long in that dreamy port, entranced by the allure of local markets and sunset views, well…

Let’s just say you’ll be waving goodbye to the boat from the pier.

The ship sails on, leaving you with a story to tell, a hefty last-minute hotel bill, and a mad dash to the next port to catch up.

Final Thoughts: Is Cruising Still on Your Bucket List?

After reading about the hidden costs, crowded decks, and questionable ethics, are you still feeling the call of the open sea?

Cruises promise carefree travel, but the reality can be quite different.

So, what do you think?

Is a cruise still on your vacation wishlist, or are you now reconsidering in favor of a more grounded adventure?