You know the language. You recognize the road signs. You can order lunch without wondering whether you’ve accidentally asked for a bucket.
Coming home after living abroad ought to be the easy move.
Then you start looking at what it costs to live there.
Returning to your home country can be hard because familiarity hides how much there is to arrange. You may have somewhere to visit without having somewhere to live. You may know people who love you without having anyone available on a Tuesday afternoon.
I’ve spent 27 years abroad, including about 20 in Ukraine. That’s plenty of time for the word “home” to acquire complications.
“I’ll just go home” sounds wonderfully reassuring. The word “just” is doing a hell of a lot of work there.
A Visit And A Move Home Are Different Trips
During a visit, you can postpone quite a few decisions. A temporary place to sleep may be enough. Your everyday life is waiting elsewhere, along with whichever household problem you were delighted to leave for a few weeks.
Moving home means building an everyday life where you’ve arrived. Your passport gets you through the border. It doesn’t come with an apartment or a job attached.
You need to work out how you’ll support yourself and where you’ll live. Familiarity with a country doesn’t guarantee that its current costs fit your income. The price you remember paying years ago is mostly useful for upsetting yourself.
Be clear about the trip you’re planning. A temporary return can give you breathing room without settling where you’ll live permanently. It also needs a budget and an agreed end point for any arrangements involving someone else’s home.
Home Has Carried On Without You
You may remember a place through the people who were there when you left. Returning gives you the current edition, which has had the nerve to make changes without consulting you.
Old friends have routines. Some have moved away. The people you want to spend time with may be happy to see you and still have very little free time.
Allow those relationships to find their present shape. Expecting everyone to resume the role they had years ago can make a warm welcome feel disappointing.
Make specific invitations. Coffee next Thursday is easier to respond to than a vague promise to catch up. Give yourself opportunities to meet people who fit your life now, too.
You have changed as well. Some things you once accepted without a thought may now strike you as strange. The locals may be equally puzzled that you’ve developed such strong feelings about bread.
Your Overseas Stories May Need A Smaller Audience
It can sting when someone asks about your years abroad, listens for a minute and changes the subject. You lived through all of that. Surely it warrants more attention than a weather update.
Interest varies. Some people will want the long version. Others may struggle to picture the places you’re describing or know what to ask next.
Give the conversation room to move both ways. Ask about their lives and share a story that fits the moment. Nobody enjoys discovering that “how have you been?” has enrolled them in a lecture series.
Look for people who enjoy talking about life abroad. Keeping in touch with friends overseas can help too. Returning home doesn’t require you to retire the part of your life that happened elsewhere.
Price The Life You’d Actually Be Living
Before a permanent return, sketch out a realistic month in the place you expect to live. Use current local costs rather than memories or a relative’s guess.
Housing is the obvious starting point. Transport deserves its own attention, especially in places where daily life involves driving. Find out what you can realistically reach from the address you’re considering.
Check healthcare arrangements through the relevant official sources or providers for your circumstances. Familiarity with a country doesn’t settle your eligibility or what coverage will cost.
Look at the upfront costs separately from the monthly budget. Moving into an empty apartment can require money long before it begins feeling like home.
Any help from family needs a conversation about what they’re comfortable offering. “Stay as long as you need” is a generous invitation. Discussing what that means can protect the relationship as well as your plans.
Give Yourself A Way Back Into Working Life
Experience abroad may be useful to an employer. You’ll still need to explain how it connects to the work they need done. Your years overseas won’t explain themselves while you sit there looking internationally experienced.
Describe the responsibilities you held and the results you can substantiate. A prospective employer can understand managing a classroom or editing a publication more easily than a general claim that living abroad made you adaptable.
Begin researching suitable work before a permanent move when possible. Talk with people who know the current market and check what the roles you’re considering actually require.
Some people return with portable income. Others need local work or time to rebuild their professional contacts. Your plan needs to reflect your own starting point, including how long your available money can support the transition.
There’s nothing embarrassing about asking how something works now. Being away for years is a perfectly good reason to check. Guessing can be considerably more expensive.
Coming Home Leaves You With Choices
A return can be welcome and still feel unsettling. You may appreciate being close to family while missing the daily life you had overseas.
Give yourself some ordinary days before deciding what the whole experience means. A happy reunion and a frustrating afternoon both tell you something. Neither has to deliver the final verdict on your future.
Notice what you enjoy about being home and what continues to trouble you once the initial adjustment settles. Work on the difficulties that have practical answers. Allow yourself to acknowledge the things you miss.
You can return permanently. You can spend a period at home and reconsider later. Your circumstances will influence which choices are available, and those circumstances can change.
Thinking about a return before you leave makes the original move easier to judge. Could you afford to come back? Where could you stay while you get established? What responsibilities would be waiting?
Those questions belong alongside the family questions that come with moving away. They’re worth exploring before life makes the decision urgent.
What would you most look forward to about coming home, and what would you find hardest?
Thinking through your own move or having second thoughts about life overseas? Read about my guide, Is Life Abroad Really For Me?
Originally published November 24, 2020. Substantially revised October 17, 2026.